One of the most difficult things that face single parents is the emotionally weight of having to deal with being both a father and a mother to their child. Single Parenting is amplified if the other parent is either absent or not fulfilling their duty of being a parent and caring for their child. Hence the reason many psychological theories on well being of single parents have been made over the years.
Often solo parents try to deal with this added pressure by trying their best to adopt both parenting roles or by scouring the social scene looking for a partner who will help them to bring their child up. Either way, the pressure places on single parents is very high. However, if truth be told, none of the two methods will help. If anything, they might even cause you to become more psychologically stressed.
Majority of single parents feel guilty for the absence of the other parent, often blaming themselves for the loss. This is especially complicated if the custodial parent is male and he has a daughter or three daughters, making it difficult for him to portray motherly duties. Chances are, he will go on wild hunting trip to look for somebody to fill the position, which, more often than not, particularly for those who go out to just look for a replacement parent, ends up in vain.
To cope with the other parent’s absence, you must first acknowledge and admit that nobody will ever replace your child’s mom or dad. Sure, somebody nice and appropriate could come along, but if you make this search your daily goal, then you might as well be driving you and children to loony house. While finding someone to fill the spot addresses a big need, this should not be your sole purpose in life. Always remember that your children need YOU to care for them, and do not just see you as a nanny or private eye tasked to find them a good parent.
Instead, focus on what you can give your kids, even without a partner. Being a single parent is not a sin. Nor is it a reason for you to go on guilt trips every single day. You should even be proud that you have successfully reared your kid or kids on your own, and prouder that they have you. Whether or not you find a new spouse or partner, your children will still be happy to have you with them.
It is always key to remember that you are only human and are not able to carry out every parenting task at once. You do not always need to be a hero to your kids and this will in no way make you less of a parent. Remember the old saying of what does not kill you will only make you stronger. Capitalize on the relationship you currently have with your kids and improve on that, instead of just dwelling on the fact that you’re alone and don’t have a partner.
The fact is that kids today tend to be much more resilient and understanding than most parents give them credit for. So never underestimate the ability of your child in understanding the pressures that your under. There are many psychological theories on well being of single parents but at the end of the day if you are honest about your feelings with your children you may be surprised by the response and support that they will offer you. Depending on the age of the children the support could come in many different ways.
Originally posted 2011-08-05 00:13:29.